Anyone who knows me, knows that I cannot wait to become a mother. Ever since I was young, I would always cart my little baby dolls around. At yard sales I would buy the baby clothes for "Rosie", carry her around in my little baby backpack carrier. She sat up at meals, I gave her baths, painted her nails, she even got her ears pierced with me.
Fresh out of high school I was ready to start my little family. I had been in love with Michael since Freshman year and it felt like we had been together for ages already, why keep waiting? But my husband being old fashioned, he wanted to wait until we were married, settled, financially stable. Which I guess makes sense.. :) So I waited, and waited, and waited.... I am very impatient. I couldn't wait to marry my high school sweetheart. I watched a million episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress"... "Four Weddings"... "A Baby Story". I am a sucker for TLC. And then one chilly October evening I came home with an arm full of groceries and pile them into the kitchen. Michael is acting strange, just staring at me.. I am slightly frazzled from work and the store, just ready to get dinner started. I look at him and say "WHY are you staring at me?!", He says, "Wait.. what is that behind you? On the stove I mean," I turn around to look and when I turn back to him to tell him nothing is there, he is down on one knee with a beautiful black box in his hand.. I start to tremble, tear up a little... I have been waiting for this moment for what seemed like forever! I couldn't believe it was finally happening. In our little home, with the dog laying on the couch and some football on the TV, and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. To just be alone with him and our little family we had created. I am home with him, wherever that may be.
He places the ring on my finger, the ring he had made just for me, to match the promise ring he gave me when we were just 16. It is so wonderful and so me. He stands so he can kiss me and I put my arms around him so tight and never want to let go. This wonderful man that God has put in my life will be my husband, the father of our children, my best friend for life.
We contemplated having a small wedding and reception but after lots of thinking and stressing we decided.. Why have a wedding when its not what we want, it's what everyone else wants. And after all, isn't the wedding supposed to be for the Bride and Groom, not everyone else? March 1st 2014 we had a very small ceremony at a close friends home, she married us and we had our very close friends The Terrill's stand there with us. Their children in tow and that is just how we wanted it. To be surrounded with love and support. I don't regret our decision a bit.
Now that we are officially married time for those kiddos! Right? wrong..
Starting a family is much harder than the girls on "16 and Pregnant" make it seem. After trying for 5 months with no luck and lots of disappointment I made an appointment to see the OBGYN.
Walking into that room was tough. All the babies cooing around me, glowing pregnant mothers to be. I was and am jealous. It's so hard to not get frustrated at others good fortune. I want so badly to be happy for all the women who are becoming mothers and share in their joy but its so hard, month after month with only 1 pink line when you are so badly hoping for 2.
I told myself this blog was going to be my journey in life as a woman, wife of a coach, and journey to becoming a mother. Life is not always easy but the small things in life make it all worth it. Life is too short for regrets. So here it is.. No filter
First OB Appointment: Prescribed Provera to start the cycle and 50mg of Clomid to make me ovulate. There is actually a very small window to conceive. I'm telling you, its harder than it sounds!
One month of that, no luck. Back to the OB I go..
Second OB Appointment: More Provera, more Clomid, this time 100mg.
I hope that this can help other women who are in the same boat. For support that you are not alone and we are all here to lift each other up.
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